Family Secret
by aMUSEment345
Summary: One shot, post-ep for 12x11, 'Surface Tension', with spoilers for the episode. Reid is visited by someone who is worried about him.


**Family Secret**

He felt dirty. Unclean.

Not just because he hadn't showered. He couldn't actually figure out _how_ to shower. He'd spent the night tethered to his mother, nearly upright in a chair…..not even his favorite, comfortable, reading chair, the one with the footrest in front, that usually allowed him to stretch out his long frame. At least he knew how to sleep in a chair like _that_ one.

No, he felt unclean because he felt unworthy. His mother's swings weren't simply the swings of mood, the familiar swings of his boyhood. His mother's swings now were also swings of memory, and they were coming with increasing rapidity. Once upon a time, he'd been able to accommodate to her swings, and had even incorporated them into his own memory as the daring highs and lows of a boy playing in a playground. But _these_ swings were rapid enough to be dizzying, and not just to Diana.

She was pleasant enough when she was 'healthy'. As warm as she'd ever been, conversational, fluent, calm. The deeply ingrained love for his mother resonated with this aspect of her personality. But then would come the anger, and fear, and suspicion, and even a lack of recognition. And she would lash out, both verbally and physically. She would tell him she hated him, treat him as her keeper. Beg, even _demand_ to be returned to Bennington. Strike him, in her anguish.

He simply didn't know any more. What had seemed so clear to him in Texas, was anything but, in the dim light of his apartment.

 _Am I hurting her? Is she right? Should I leave her alone? Am I making her suffer? Is that the honest aspect of her personality? Is she simply trying to protect me when she's 'good'?_

Unworthy.

A knock at the door pulled Reid out of his funk. He made a pitiful effort at straightening up the mess as he made his way across the apartment, to let his mother's newly-hired aide inside.

Hearts clutched on both sides of the entry as Reid swung the door open to a woman who was _not_ his mother's aide. In the hallway, JJ stood immobile, taking in the sight of her best friend, and making an unsuccessful attempt to suppress a gasp. Inside, Reid almost panicked to realize what she was taking in, and to see the look on her face.

"JJ! I thought…."

"Spence…."

"I thought you were the aide. Ihiredanewoneyesterdaysheseemsveryniceandexperienced.." Words tripping over one another.

She just stood there, riveting him with her gaze. "Spence…."

He realized they were still in the doorway. "You might as well come in."

JJ moved past him, into the apartment, and her shock deepened. From time to time, when he'd been embroiled in some project or another, she'd seen his place unkempt.

 _But never like this. Never his books, except for that one time. But now…..his books are wet!_

There were any number of them, lying open, drying out, scattered on various surfaces around the room.

He followed the movement of her eyes, and tried to explain.

"I told you, she left the faucet on…."

She couldn't tell if he actually believed that.

 _But I do know that he's not thinking clearly. If he was, he'd never be in this mess._

"Spence….. a running faucet would flood the floor, and the apartment below. These books were on your shelves, weren't they?"

And there it was. Diana had obviously done whatever she'd done on purpose. She'd known what her son treasured, and gone after them.

 _If she was healthy enough to be here, Spence, she'd have known that what you really treasure... is her._

Reid's shoulders slumped as he admitted it.

"I just don't think she meant it. She didn't know what she was doing."

He'd turned, just so, and the light from the window hit his face. And that's when she saw them.

"Spence…" reaching up to turn his chin, to be sure. Parallel red welts, from cheek to ear. "She hit you?"

He shook out of her grasp. "She was having an episode. She was upset. It's fine."

The welts made her really take him in, look him over from head to toe. And she realized.

"You haven't slept, have you? You were wearing those clothes at the BAU."

"She's sleeping in the bedroom. I didn't want to wake her."

JJ gave him a look of disbelief as she pushed him down on the sofa.

"Sit. Have you even had coffee yet?"

"I was just going to…"

"I'll make it. Everything still where it used to be?"

The simple question took him back, and he had to shake his head. Was _anything_ as it used to be?

"I hope so."

* * *

She almost didn't wake him. In the ten minutes she'd been puttering in Reid's kitchen, he'd fallen asleep, sitting up on the couch. But it was clear to JJ that he needed to talk this through with someone, and she wasn't leaving until he had. So she placed the two mugs on the table, took her seat beside him, and shook him awake.

"Hey, Sleepyhead!" Keeping her voice down, so as not to rouse Diana.

Another shake, and Reid blinked himself awake, his brain slowly processing her words.

"I thought Henry was the 'sleepyhead'." As they'd both called the little boy who used to love his naps.

"Henry got it from his godfather."

Reid smiled as she handed him his mug, and took a tentative sip. Then he smacked his lips, as though passing judgment on it.

JJ pushed his shoulder. "Stop….it's exactly the way you like it, and you know it."

"Brewed to perfection."

"And sugared to death."

"That's the 'perfection' part."

"Ha." JJ took her own mug and sat back beside him. "Seriously, Spence, what's going on? I thought she was doing okay in Houston."

He heaved a great sigh, and shook his head. "At the very beginning, it looked promising. But then…not so much. Both schizophrenia and Alzheimer's can have peaks and troughs, especially early on. I might have just been seeing a good period. All I know is that she started deteriorating, and she seemed to fall to a lower low each time."

"Do you think it was the medicine?"

He could only shrug. "I don't even know if she was getting any. She could have been getting a placebo, or she could have been getting a drug that wasn't working for her. In the end, it didn't matter."

His answer made sense, but only partially. JJ shifted in her seat so that she could see his face.

"But why not send her back to Bennington, then? Or, if you wanted her closer, why not find a facility around here? Why are you so set on keeping her with you here?"

Both of them were profilers, both expert at concealing their micro-expressions, even to the point where it had once driven a wedge between them. But, wedge removed, JJ was still just a bit better at concealing her micro-expressions than was Reid. And, like her best friend, she was also expert at reading them.

Doing so, just now, she saw it. Just that hint of hesitation, just a quick flash of his eyes away, and back again. If she hadn't known him so well, if she didn't care about him so much, she might have missed it. But she _hadn't_ missed it.

 _He's holding something back._

Reid answered her as though unaware he was being scrutinized, even though he was acutely aware of it.

"I thought it might be an easier transition for her if she was with me. You know, if she saw a familiar face every day."

There was so much wrong with that answer, so much that was illogical, that JJ wondered if he _wanted_ her to call him out on it. But then she read the look in his eyes.

 _Please don't._

And her heart broke for him. Whatever it was, whatever he needed to do, for whatever reason he needed to do it….she would support him.

Seeing that he'd nearly finished gulping his morning brew, she pulled him to his feet once again.

"Go ahead, take a shower, get dressed. I'll stay here until you're done. I'll make sure she's okay."

"But what if…"

"No what ifs. We'll both be fine. Go ahead. I am the mother of two young boys. I know what it's like not to be able to shower, or sleep, or even go to the bathroom in peace. Take my word for it, it's important to take advantage of these moments."

She gave him a small push in the right direction. "Go ahead. Then maybe you can rest 'til your mom is awake."

He didn't need to be told a third time. Reid gave JJ a quick hug of thanks and went off to follow her instructions.

* * *

While he was showering, JJ started putting the apartment to rights. She reshelved any of the books that weren't wet, moved some furniture back to where it belonged, and washed up the dishes in the kitchen. Then, resuming her seat on the sofa, she noticed the large volume fallen off the far side of the couch. Picking it up, she saw that it was a scrapbook of Diana's life.

Of which Reid was a major part.

JJ started paging through the book, taken in by the prospect of seeing some of the boyhood of her best friend. But the thing that took her aback, the thing that made her gasp, was the young Diana. A college photograph, a wedding picture, a photo of a very pregnant Diana Reid.

JJ hadn't seen Diana in person in ten years. But Reid had texted her a photograph from Texas, on what he'd called one of her good days. Good day or not, the ravages of her illnesses had shown in Diana's face, her features molded into a permanent frown, her eyes…..for weeks, JJ had been searching for a word to describe the look of Diana's eyes. And she was searching still.

In the course of her work, JJ had met many schizophrenics. But she'd always been introduced to the 'after' image. Here, she was seeing the 'before'….the genuine smile, the light in the eyes, the promise that had gone unfulfilled….. and the full devastation of the disease became acutely apparent.

 _No wonder he fights for her. He remembers this, even if he was only a little boy. He sees what it's done to her. How could anyone turn away from someone they love, going through this?_

Reid was someone _she_ loved, every bit as much family to her as any who shared her genes. And she was determined to be present to him, as much as he needed, as often as she could manage. But she was also determined to help him face some hard truths.

 _You can't live like this, Spence. Neither of you can. I need to help you see that putting her into a reputable institutional setting isn't the same as turning away from her. You can still love her, and not have to be terrified of what will happen next._

But she also knew enough not to have that conversation with him when he was so sleepless and emotionally worn. Nor when the situation was too new to evaluate.

 _Or maybe I'm just deluding myself. Maybe there will never be a good time for it. I just know that he's not quite ready for it now._

* * *

Moments later, Reid emerged, freshly showered and shaven, clearly dressed for work.

"Are you coming in?" Surprised.

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to see how it goes."

"Your mom must be a heavy sleeper." She hadn't even heard the woman stir.

"Sometimes. And sometimes she's too restless to sleep. So, when she can…"

"You let her. I get it." JJ approached him. "I also get how hard this is for you, Spence. For both of you. And I just want to say that I'm on your side. No matter what, I'm with you. I only want what's best for you, just like you only want what's best for your mom."

Even if she thought their future might hold a difficult conversation about what 'best' meant.

She held her arms open, and he stepped into them, pulling her close.

"Thank you," he whispered into her ear.

She whispered into his as well. "You're not alone in this, nor anything else. Whatever comes, I'm at your side."

He knew she didn't realize what she was saying. That she didn't fully realize what 'this' was, nor that the last place he wanted her was at his side, if it fell apart. He would never put her through that kind of risk.

But all he said, was, once again, "Thank you."

They released one another, but she caught his chin between her hands.

"I love you. You are a part of my family. And family stands together."

He pulled her head forward and kissed the top of it.

"I love you, too. Please always remember that."

 _In case you need to._


End file.
